The One That Got Away

Anyway - don't feel sad for me. I made a mess of this one all by myself and I have noone to blame but me. So I'm off to down a glass of something bubbly to while away the lonely night with Pretty Woman and a take away - living the single gal dream.

The Bad Dates Edition: Giles

But as I lifted myself to sit up, I noticed there was blood everywhere. On the walls, on the bed sheets. Everywhere. Scenes from American Psycho triggered in my mind as I frantically checked myself under the sheets. Had I randomly come on? No. Was I injured? No. Did it hurt anywhere? No. Had he sold my internal organs on the black market? No obvious signs of trauma... so where was this smattered blood coming from? And that's when I noticed it...

The Bad Dates Edition: Irish Shane

He walked toward me totally unaware that he was being judged harshly by the creosote & cream woman before him - he had Ray-Bans and a little dark facial hair which made him a little better from the neck up. And that's when it happened. He smiled.

The Sexual Monologues: 3.iv – April

'What the fuck is that smell?' April asked herself, brushing off the thought that the stench might possibly be coming from her. But it became abundantly clear as the smell wafted outward in all-consuming waves, filling the room with the scent of death and rot, that it was in fact April's puss that was causing the unpleasantness.

The Sexual Monologues: 3.iii – Kelly

Was he too drunk to get it up? Stage fright? Overwhelmed by the expectations of the beautiful companion he was now going to try to pleasure? We can't be certain. Whatever the reason though, Daniel's lank willy hang there totally nonplussed.

The Sexual Monologues: 3.ii – Jenny

At this point any number of things were rotating around Jenny's drink-addled mind. Had I let him have sex with me unprotected? If so, is he riddled with more STDs than a Tudor man living in a whore house? Did he tell them he did me up the arse? Oh God, Oh God! On and on her wicked little mind worked itself into a frenzy.

The Sexual Monologues: I – Slippery Nipple

I looked down; my boob was a little swollen but that was actually a joy to see - anything adding volume to the chest was welcome. But the swelling couldn't be causing that discomfort? It was coming from my nipple, the very tip of my nipple. I turned my head down to inspect further and saw a tiny stream of pinkish, diluted blood running down my ribs and pooling in my belly button before sliding its final descent to the drain below. Where was that coming from?

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